As Alfred Einstein once said, “Be a loner. That gives you the time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.”
Depending on your definition, I guess I’m a bit of a loner, but not all of the time. I think being an only child makes you creative enough to enjoy the quiet. I’m also someone who finds genuine pleasure in hearing the stories, thoughts, and perspectives of others. I like people, just in small groups, like one or two people at a time.
I started thinking about this when I was at a recent holiday gathering in my office. I have a difficult time being around a lot of people all at once. I think sometimes that causes me to appear aloof. Most people don’t believe that I am an introvert and say, “How can that be true if you were a teacher?” And I respond with, “It was exhausting. Which is why I would love the small connections made throughout the day. Even just the connection of eyes with an ‘I understand’ would make my day. I loved when my students joined in with questions, thoughts, ideas…that made my day because listening and asking questions is learning.” As well, introverts are not anti-social, there’s only just so much “social” we can handle in one day.
I enjoy listening more than speaking. Listening to others doesn’t have to be confined to those talking directly to you. Some may call it eavesdropping or people-watching, but I find it fascinating to watch and listen to people living their lives. No judgements, I just enjoy the human experience. Fleeting encounters are something that I don’t take for granted–they are beautiful. I notice people’s happiness, sadness, gratitude, excitement…and although I may join in conversation, sometimes just a look of, “I see you” is all that is needed in the moment.
When I taught seniors, Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s, “Ulysses” was my favorite poem to teach on their last day of high school. It was my way of saying that they made a difference to my life and each of them made differences in the lives of all of their classmates and teachers, “I am a part of all that I have met/Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough/Gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades/Forever and forever when I move.…” is something that I truly believe. Each person I encounter becomes a part of me in some way, whether is just the warmth of a smile or a deep, philosophical conversation. Every person we encounter carries a unique set of experiences and knowledge. By actively listening, we open ourselves to a wealth of perspectives and insights. It takes us out of our own thoughts and provides a glimpse into the thinking of others. From that, meaningful connections can be made.
There is peace in the silence of attentive listening. By embracing the quiet moments between words, we allow space for reflection and contemplation. This mindful approach to communication can lead to more thoughtful and considered responses. It may take me awhile to respond, but know that I consider what someone says before I speak.
During the holidays it is easy to become overwhelmed with the noise. When this happens, I take a deep breath and just try to focus on individuals: the mom and daughter shopping in the local boutique beside me, the older couple flirting with each other at the grocery store, my clients’ words and actions as they’re touring a home with me. Being in these moments and being present makes me feel better. I have a tendency when I’m busy to tune people and moments out to get something accomplished, and it doesn’t make me feel fulfilled.
Sometimes the “insignificant” in the moment may become significant. The other day at the grocery store a lady came up to me to ask if I knew where the parchment paper might be. Because I was in this mindset, I walked with her there and we chatted along the way about what she was baking for the holidays. The fact that she felt safe enough to ask me for help made my heart happy. By actively choosing to listen and be present, we contribute to a tapestry of shared experiences that enrich our lives and the lives of those around us. So, let’s continue to celebrate the art of listening, for in doing so, we truly discover the magic of meaningful connection, especially during the holidays.